Thursday, May 16, 2013
What's wrong
with me? Again and again I find excuses for the person who did or said a 'wrong'. Not that I agree with the 'doer' of the wrong but I most of the times, if not always, find an excuse.
This morning I read 'Funffingerplatze' blog and could only think of "maybe someone tripped and fell on it, maybe a big dog did it, maybe this and maybe that". I read the comments of others and decided not to leave mine. Of course I felt sorry for what happened to the Iris but I just can't believe that it was done on purpose. Yes, I know that one can see the difference - footprints or whatever - but again!!! my mind refuses to recognize the obvious.
Don't know why I am so upset with myself. I know that I will reflect on this all day.
I'm off to the library now and know already that I'll be sorry for clicking on publish. So be it.
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6 comments:
Ellena: After sending my comment to Rouchswalwe, I also wondered whether it might have been accidental. Unfortunately, after my experience of living in the UK, and seeing a great deal of wanton vandalism, not to mention blatant theft from my own garden, I instinctively suspect the worst.
Ellena, there are days and then there are other days. So what. Nothing wrong. You should see me sometimes... go with the flow and don't feel sorry.
Oh Ellena! Nothing wrong with you! Please don't be upset with yourself. You have a good heart. It's not a natural thing to believe that people do mean things on purpose. I too thought at first that perhaps the grass cutters had knocked it over by accident (but then I noticed the overtall uncut grass) or that a rabbit had nibbled on it (then I saw the human footprints) or that the wind had blown it over (but the weather was fine). Yet, there might well be an explanation we haven't thought of. The main thing is that the Iris blooms happily and fills the room with a sweet aroma.
Perhaps I shouldn't have clicked "publish" yesterday, for I was filled with concern for a friend who is in hospital. This might have colored my interpretation of the event.
People and plants living in the city close together ... there are bound to be misunderstandings.
Did you find anything interesting at the library?
Your mind is instinctively rejecting the possibility of evil and there is nothing wrong with that. It's also a tendency that increases as we get older, since we become less well equipped to deal with it, even to contemplate it. Tranquillity and repetition are states we cling to - certainly I do. This, incidentally, is one of the attractions of writing; it allows us to imagine - to play around with - a more rambunctious form of life, knowing everything's under control.
However, being sorry for clicking Publish is something you should strive against. By clicking Publish in the first place you have increased the circle of acquaintances all of who - I'm pretty sure - care for you. By ceasing to communicate with them you are putting this worthwhile asset at risk.
I speak from the heart here. I have always adopted a lively, mock adversarial relationship with my blogosphere acquaintances but these days I keep on misjudging the tone, overstepping the mark. Thus the circle keeps on shrinking. I could seek to be less in-yer-face, less controversial but then I'd be reduced to dispensing custard all the time. Remain who you are and keep on clicking Publish decisively.
Ellena, the world is full of intolerant people. You know the sort who act as though they have never done anything they were sorry for in their whole life?
I need more people like you in my life, slow to blame, giving the rest of us the benefit of the doubt. Please do not change and please keep clicking PUBLISH.
Thank you so much ALL OF YOU, Tom, Sabine, Rouchswalwe, RR, Halle!
I finally had the courage to read your comments and came to the conclusion that I should have been clearer in what I wrote or not have written it at all or maybe have said "no comments expected". It's so difficult for me to express my thoughts and feelings in words.
Your comments are therapeutic.
All I can say today is "you are all wonderful souls - I am so pleased to have found you".
I'll do one more post about what exactly I wanted to say (close to what I said) and about the conclusion I came to which is just a beginning of who knows what.
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