Monday, October 26, 2015


how long has it been since I learned that everybody dies when they get old and how long since I learned that one can also die young?  74 years, a bit longer, or?   Did knowing make a difference in my life?  Not much.  I did not allow myself  to do things that looked dangerous to me but was blind concerning circumstances where I did not want to or did not see the danger, such as smoking.  

When I, two weeks ago, heard  the 'C'-word from the lips of my doctor my legs went numb just long enough to feel a warm  wave moving from the hips down and out at the toes and a bit of nausea in my stomach.  I have no other way to explain my reaction.  This was all. Half a minute shock-wave.
Since then X-rays were confirmed by Thorax scan and now I'm waiting living to see pulmonologist in mid-November.
So far I am not losing any sleep over this situation.  I am tying up a few loose ends and to use the words of dear Tom (Gwynt) in his recent not to say last post "I do not mind" and "life continues on its way". 

I wrote the above a few days ago.  Today, after reading dear Halle's recent post, I come to realize that 'fatalistic attitude' is maybe wrong self-analysis and wishful  thinking.  
My state of mind sounds more like a depression - no want to fight, only concerned about the well-being of my 'entourage'.  

And now something lighter.  What did the blind person say when handed a piece of sandpaper?  "Argh, this is written too tight". 
I heard this last week and thought it was offensive but was told it was not.

It's 9.13 in the morning.  I just came back from driving Moselito to his home away from home and will now attack laundry and tidying up.


Wednesday, October 21, 2015


 For now it's my fatalistic attitude that helps me deal with ghosts during the day. They tell me what is but are not ready to say what will be soon or later.  

 I thank them for staying away during my sleep.